So i fell like a girl from a balance beam

Guess what we're doing today? blogging! omg!

So ive been a very, very naughty girl... i had a legit reason to not blog all summer, as i was staying at my parents house and didnt have my computer, but i swore i would start again when i got my own place in sartell in september. and here we are. november. bad, bad girl. and not in a fun way. 

Things have happened, and things havent. I cant really describe. heres a shitton of pictures. 

i had dreads for a while in the summer. they were really awesome, beautiful handmade dreads off ebay. super heavy though. im putting them back in this winter as a permanent hat. 

i was in the crazy hospital for a while. they gave me this mysterious bob barker soap. like i needed that extra push over the edge into insanity.

bitchin snakeskin heels. ive never actually worn these anywhere, but i keep them next to my computer for those awesome moments when you like, hear good news from a boy and need to do an awww yeah, crank up some sexy music, light a cigarette, swig some wine and prance around knowing how awesome you are. i actually do this. occasionally. i need to wear them on a date like, soon. either these or my lipstick red pointy heels are going on my next date with me *taps nails impatiently waiting for boy to call*

i went to rocky horror with my peeps jackie, amy and misty. we are beautiful and sexy and dont hang out enough.

it was geek appriciation rocky horror, as it was right after CONvergence in minneapolis. i was expecting costumes, however i was NOT expecting there to be FREAKING DALEKS and a rather hot doctor at the end of the show. there was much plunger gesticulating, it was amazing. i was shrieking. my friends did not understand. 

i got some new tattoos this summer. this is the first of hopefully many junko mizuno tats, and my first semi-explicit tattoo. she needs more color, STILL, because this blog is not the only thing that i procrastinate on.

i got a darth vader tattoo too!! i decided to just say fuck it and get going on the really geeky tattoos. whatve i got to lose. this is just a stencil, i oddly dont have any pics on my computer of the finished dark lord. the shading on it is totally insane. my tattoo artist Peter McLeod is a genius.

this is the best thing about my new apartment. the totally insane walk in closet. seriously a large part of why i signed the lease. this is like, less than a quarter of the floor space. i can get all of my seasonal shoes out at once, which is impressive. these are half the summer shoes.

a kind of blurry photograph trying to capture the whole closet. its a really weird shape so its hard to photograph.you can see my tall hooker boots on the top <3

this is an absolutely fucking disgusting thing that i found in my chipotle barbacoa burrito. fork for scale. this is tough, rubbery, impossible to bite through. im thinking its either skin or intestines. it was seriously the grossest thing ive ever put in my mouth. MOST FOUL. it still freaks me the fuck out. im almost positive it has some kind of sentience... i wouldnt even leave it in the garbage overnight, i took that sucker straight outside. 

dora doesnt sleep. dora waits.

i was conversing on facebook when a heavenly portal opened up in my browser, and lo, paget brewsters boobs appeared.

this is pretty much what ive been doing the past few months. being lazy and angsty, reading clive barker, sighing. 

more of the sexy shoes, plus tattoos and a gang sign.

my friend joshifer and i had a thing where we get together every week or two, get drunk and watch anime and youtube videos. its perfectly awesome/lame. this lead to literally hours and hours of watching AMV hell on youtube. im not even going to glorify that with an explanation of what AMV hell is. finding it as funny as i do might mean that im retarded. especially given that i watched like three hours of it alone, with wine, as pictured.

theres a lot of this. its dead silent, and the penguin just slowly and dramatically tips the bucket over. words cant describe. obviously, because that sounds fucking retarded. 

things have been weird lately. in the end i guess you just hope the highs eventually outweigh the lows. im in the shit now though, i cant really go back, and im doing the thing i ultimately really love to do despite the madness. you should really be reading my twitter. you will never consider me sane again.

the aforementioned friend josh just left for california today, unfortunately for good :'( im super sads about it. hes one of my best friends, possibly the friend i actually hang out with the most. as a parting gift, i received his highly enviable collection of mcdonalds sauces. it is a thing of beauty.

he had them in a drawer in his apartment. i could only continue the tradition. this is the best use of a kitchen drawer ever. 

will miss you bro. and your glass that can hold two full size sparks. however, it does not make them taste any better. 

more stuffs to come. i have a few specific events that need their own posts. i promise ill come back sooner than six months. love you!! 

There's a tear in my beer

i wish my blog was more like Cat Party.

Klingon Boggle[Pubococcygeal Cast blinded me with science]

hey! sorry ive been super absentee lately. uhhhh roommate stuff, laziness, birthday stuff, actual boyfriend.... that makes it sound like im really busy but ive mostly been just sleeping and watching big bang theory and dollhouse. due to this laziness that seems to be preventing me from actually blogging, ive started a tumblr where i can dump all the photos first so you can see them in a somewhat timely manner. ive noticed a lot of my favorite blogatrices have these and theyre pretty awesome. heres agent lover's and the girl who ate everything's [omg robyn and kare from norway are dating now!!!! its like a foodblog soap opera, squee! [you probably dont care... but you should read her, and you should care, your life will be better for it]]

ummm should i actually post stuff? its 4am and i still want to cut and dye my hair before i go to bed because im going to barnes and noble with the lovely Emily W. from fantasy gifts tomorrow to look at teen vampire novels and stuff. i haz a new dorky friend lolz... we spend like three hours over valentines playing celebrity name games, and the beeotch got me hooked on reading the absolutely horrible 'house of night books'... speaking of soap operas!!! the things are fucking atrociously written, even worse than twilight, but the ridiculous plotlines make you HAVE to read it, like she has three boyfriends, a human a vampire and a vampire TEACHER whom she loses her virginity to, her best friend is a zombie, everybody loves her, everybody hates her etc. i never watched 90210 [though i SHOULD HAVE] but i imagine it was a lot like this except without the undead parts.


[i blame emily for me buying this]

and did i mention ATROCIOUS writing??? like, multiple mentions of diarrhea in the first book alone? the main character is obsessed with "brown pop"? while running for her life she thinks to herself, "a good pair of ballet flats really DOES work for all occasions?" plus i the writers name is PC Cast which i can only read as  Pubococcygeal Cast.

also me and Emily have the same glasses, i should get a pic sometime. and she wants to do a book review podcast!! i will surely post a link as soon as she does.

stuff and things:



my best boo Amy took me to get my nails done as a bday present. we went to Foxy Nails because it is the most appropriately named place for us. im a bit of a n00b as this was only my 2nd time getting my nails did, and im totally creeped out by being brusquely ordered around by a bunch of asian dudes. i had a new guy for the first half of my mani and he took FOREVER and also built up one of my pinky nails to a gargantuan thickness. the store manager brian worked on the last half of my mani and he was much better, as well as adorable... he had a little plaque with his name on it and little dangly nailpolish charms hanging from his light!! cuteness. all the regulars were cooing over him, he must be the big shit at foxy nails. i was super digging on the florescent, glow in the dark green i got, but these were way long for me even after asking for shorter about four times. ive since trimmed them down to lesbian length and theyre doing nicely. anyone have any recommendations for good nail places in the area? id prefer not to be barked at or asked to leave my purse and coat in a random chair across the salon. also somewhere where they're used to doing more than just french manis, i want something creative and not just WHITE TIP PINK TIP. where do the black ladies get their nails did???

Amyboo has been so good to me lately and while we were shopping at the mall stole me this pillbox from Icing!! there is really nothing more flattering than having something stolen for you. anyone can just buy something. a real friend steals for you. now she just needs to steal me some pills to fill it with...

then we saw a white lady with an amazing badonkadonk and leopard heels and followed her into target trying to take pictures. i saw her later that night at the gas station buying candy for her kid lol!!! im certain we'll meet again, White Lady with Badonkadonk.

i got this purse for my bday from TJ Maxx... by that i mean i treated myself to a new purse. it certainly is shiny and covered with crap, isnt it! i was madly in love with it at first but now, a week later, our relationship has soured. oh you are so pretty, blingy purse... but your chain strap is annoying, loud and wont stay on my shoulder. you make a ton of noise when i set you down on a counter or table. and you have no nice exterior pockets. and your sequin texture feels gross. sigh.

so i am once again in the Eternal Purse Struggle. i cant find good ones anywhere. i went back to TJ Maxx where i usually go when im serious about getting a purse, as they have tons of them usually of the big and sparkley variety. nada that i want right now... they have cute Harajuku Lovers ones but they arent the right size for my needs and a little too childish for what i want right now. maybe what i want is just impossible...? but when i comprimise on the whole pockets and size thing i end up hating the purse and not using it.  this is seriously the hardest thing for me to shop for... other things im less picky about but the purse has to be perfect and user friendly for all my shit. Amyboo and i went to the purse kiosk in the mall where you can get those big, blingy knockoff looking purses and i found some semi-suitable ones, but they're a bit more pricey than the $40 MAX i spend on a good purse [ive only spent that once on a tj maxx purse, my other two expensive ones were in the $30 range] and the salesguy is super clingy and pushy so i didnt get a good look last time. going to check out jc penney's too as they have a pretty big selection and i got my awesome yellow purse there. why is this SO HARD??? anyone have any good purse store suggestions? ive started asking customers and ive heard good things about some boutique stores around the area, but im guessing thats expensive.

from the more satisfying end of the spectrum, on my TJ Maxx venture i also got some awesome clearance shoes!! these Blowfish shoes/booties were only $10 and are super comfortable!! i love how the fabric is bunched into little ruffles around the buttons, it makes it semi-girly. ive been wearing these with cuffed skinny jeans to show off all the buttons. SUPER COMFY, the inside is even all suedey. plus they get an A+ from my NRA-card-carrying dad. for real... he says they're "sharp."

also got another pair of $10 boots, these ones are liz claibornes!  theyre a touch mom-ish [seriously, i need to keep them away from my mom so she doesnt steal them] but im a big fan of strappy things and the mini-wedge is awesome. the squared pointy toe makes them look nice and dressy, makes me feel hawt. cant beat ten bucks, seriously.

ok for reals, i need to go work on my hair. the vampires are waiting.

keep an eye on the tumblr! love you boos!

<3 your blogatrix

Jesika Gothowitz

[OMG SPEAKING OF.....guess who i found on twitter?!?! um just my boyfriend simon helberg.... and my other boyfriend fran kranz.... no big deal just the HOTTEST NERDS ON TV since the original secret boyfriend spencer reid, but everybody likes him and id rather have these two all to myself, thankyouverymuch. now leave us alone, its time for a tagteam science lesson in my bedroom.]

The Moustache Lurks Tonite

booze & drugs... thats how we roll in the shire. look at what a classy fucking bitch i am. blogging with one hand.... sipping fucking merlot with the other. also a little high. we'll see how this goes.

so i got some stuff from target today, with the giftcard from my lovely sister.

domo tee shirt!! im not a huge fan of this whole hipster "moustache" trend of putting fucking staches on everything, but it works on domo because domo is fucking awesome. and i need a domo shirt. he's leaping! and yelling as always AHHHHHHHHHHH!

phone case that is actually probably impractical but its so cute and im getting a new phone tomorrow and i want my phone to have accessories and presents too.

nail polishes! ive been obsessed with nail polishes since i was 13. whenever we would go to elk river i would make my mom stop at maurices so i could get a new nail polish. i was always jealous of my friend jen because no matter how many i got she always had more than me! i was a very covetous child, ive always been a horrible person actually. anyways the obsession has continued and i always have my nails painted a bright or dark color. im always in search of "the new color," some idea i have in my mind and i can rarely find the exact color to match what im envisioning and i have to comparison shop a bunch of brands. its times like that i think i shouldve been an artist because there are so many things in my head im desperate to put out there. anyways i really like these new wet and wild fast dry polishes because of the interesting colors. the one on the bottom i got tonight, im loathe to tell you the name because its really stupid... "everybody loves Redmond." wtf. lets not name colors after terrible tv shows ok?? it looks rather corally in this pic but irl its red orange which is a color family ive been looking at for a while. its not *exactly* what i have in mind, im looking for more tomato-y red but still a touch orangish, but its very close and a super vibrant fun nail color. i got a new topcoat too [also ISO the perfect top coat to make my polish last, i have thin nails that bend so the polish flakes... working up to buying seche vite] so theyre super shiny.

i was at ye olde walsmart last night and they had just put out some awesome military/goth jewellery!! ive got no shame, i buy the cheap walmart shit and i think it looks awesome... yeah it looks a little cheap and teenybopperish but i think i make it work the way i mix it. plus goth shit is just how i roll no matter how cheap it is. and my brain is always like LOOK EARRINGS WITH A BUNCH OF SHIT ON THEM, LETS BUY EM!! im easy to please. i could never be a label whore.

totally dug this super heavy lock with a skull cameo on it. sorry this picture is SO SHITTY, i really hope when i get my new phone it takes better pictures. this one is out of focus all the time and the light always sucks.

 moi in the necklace. wearing my my favorite of my many cardigans [ive been a cardigan girl since 1998], a black and white striped with red jones new york one that i got at savers thrift store for like $9. it was a twinset but the tank it too small for me [DAMMIT, its cute too]. the shirt im wearing under it here looks fucked up because its a sleeveless dress, and yes ive got a bit of fat girl armpit overhang, but dammit i like this dress. its long and tiered, and super comfy cotton. i was wearing it over pants cuz its cold.

i really dig these earrings! super cute! i love skulls with bows. i should really get a girly skull tattoo sometime.

ok... heres another thing i feel fucking terrible about. i bought an ed hardy perfume. i really do abhorr all things ed hardy, as i am a genuinely tattooed person [i guess that makes sense and sounds really elitist... i mean i appriciate the tattoo as an art form, put a lot of thought into my tattoos and dont like things to be generic, and i consider it my "lifestyle" if that doesnt sound too ghey] and i think ed hardy is for posers who want to be "cool" without the commitment. but i guess thats what happens when a subculture goes mainstream, things get commericalized and you get the old school elitists who want to seperate themself from the n00b who can walk in off the street and just buy a tee shirt representing that subculture. its kind of sad but then again it goes hand in hand with public acceptance and its a price to pay for the ability that many [but not all] of us have to have a public service job while tattooed or peirced.

ANYWAYS sorry about the modculture rant... i could talk about that for days, also im high and a tad upset so feeling ranty. anyways i like the design on this bottle and ive been wanting to try an ed hardy fragrance without paying a high price. this travel spray bottle was only $12, compared to the $15 ive been procrastinating paying at Ulta for a roller ball fragrance. i do like the scent, its very fruity, but it smells a lot like the flirt!flirtatious fragrance i got around christmastime. i might go back and buy one of the other ed hardy varieties, they have a few and i wasnt sure the differences and the little bottles werent well labelled... as you can see on the package you cant tell what variety it is, i had to look online to see its Hearts & Daggers. with some checking on Fragrantica it looks like i might like Love & Luck more, some of the notes are pink pepper and bergamont, which is one of my favorite scents. bergamonts such a unique scent, spicy and fruity at the same time, and for some reason very tragically english to me, like the heroines in Waterhouse paintings. uggh im having weird rambling thoughts...

poppy the crazy old mountain hag cat, doin what she does best... lurkin. loomin. sneezing on the back of your neck.

thats all ive got tonight.... interesting events have occurred and that irl shit has called me away. keep it real.

-jesitrix

tiny boob posse [i just called to say i love you]

just a few notesicles to keep you updated! sorry, im not updating as often as id like. i keep telling myself i need to save up a lot of ideas for big mega multi-topics posts, when really what id like to be doing is shorter one topic posts with nice photos. better photos will be coming soon when i get my new phone on friday!!!! <3

i think im channelling April Winchell in this pic. shes one of my new funny-lady heroes. if you havent already, you MUST READ her beaver suit debacle aka "Justin Beaver." i almost crapped my pants.

oh im wearing an awesome new polish in this pic too, its a SUPER chunky glitter called 'party of 5 glitters' from wet & wild fast dry. i lub it!! chunky glitters, the kind that are almost 3D, are the win. and are awesome for covering up chipped polish when youre too lazy to take it off... theres a sparkly cloud-blue polish underneath this, also w&w. and underneath THAT are some remnants of the stick on nail polish strips [might blog about later] that i couldnt get off... they were a multicolor swirl and for some reason the orange parts would not come off... so theyre part of my 3 generation nail color.

we're anticipating more good things in the next two weeks! my 27th birthday rapidly approaches, and while im devastated at how fucking old i am, the party's going to be AWESOME. im really feeling the love lately. its so awesome now excited my friends get for my parties, and im so flattered that lots of people want to come. its probably more for the sushi and booze than for my sparkling company, but i think a few people might be showing up to see how ridonk drunk im going to get and perhaps in hopes that they'll get flashed [they will. at least amy will, because i flashed her on her birthday... wait that means shes supposed to flash me! dammit. ive been ho tricked. thats right, theres supposed to be a tiny tit flash party!! jackie, amy, brittany, all my tiny boob posse should flash me together!]

its gonna turn out something like this, from amy's 25th bday this summer [aka drunkest photos of me in existence]:





thats us with brian, the best bartender in the world!!! hes so good to us!

i promise promise promise im going to take lots of pics and itll be like youre living the bday experience from your own sad computer chair!

amy is being a darling and taking me to get my nails did for my bday, im SUPER excited about that because ive only had mine done once before. any ideas for something cool i should do? i was thinking pink with black tips or maybe black with lime green tips. i guess i should nail down the bday party outfit before i decide... i have a shitload of stuff in the mail from lanebryant/fashion bug including some slutty shirts from the FB, but i usually wear a dress for my bday.... a secret part of my heart wants this ridiculously poufy dress from deb, even though it screams LOOK AT MY IM A SAD 27 YR OLD PROM QUEEN.


its not this one but its close. arrrgghhh thats really cute. is it too desperate? and if i want to go that route i could just wear the dress from my sisters wedding, or my xmas party dress [which is forever tainted by memories of my last fight with jed] or the one shoulder zebra and turquoise dress i havent even worn yet.... but... mama needs a new dress for her bday!

and ive decided that now in my advanced age its ok for me to refer to myself as "Mama," especially in the context of wanting to take the michael cera-esque perkins waiter home and "teach him a lesson." amirite? mama needs to give you a lesson in taking orders son, cuz you can not get amys salad right!

as i said im anticipating a large shipment of online pity shopping purchases coming in to lane bryant in the next two days so there will be a photo post about that! im super excited. theres slutty shirts, jeans, and the mega impluse buy: a leather fur trimmed jacket which im PRAYING fits!! if it does it will be super cute, and i wish it was here for this -12 degree bullshit weve been having! i also ordered a taupe asymetrical moto jacket that i hope will be as cute as i imagine... thinking about ordering a silver moto jacket too since i always wish i have more little jackets to throw over dresses when i go to the bar in spring and summer. wow does the fact that most of my shopping decisions involve things to wear to the bar mean i have a problem....? JEEZ I JUST WANT TO LOOK NICE FOR BRIAN THE BARTENDER. going to the bar is like my only social situation so i try to look nice, and i just enjoy it. and i lost my best little black cropped faux-leather jacket at that stupid frat party at Hamline. drinkin gin straight from the bottle, singing system of a down at the top of my lungs with a bunch of shirtless frat boys and pouring a beer all over my boyfriend because he was turning me on. i guess im just glad i was able to make it into the cab, making it into the cab WITH my jacket was a little too much to ask.

[that was also the night i encouraged a guy to jump off the balcony because his wife left him... "its ok man, i know how you feel... sometimes you just feel like jumping, and im not going to lie and say you shouldnt." its ok, he was a huge douche. his name was waylon and he was wearing a do rag. and he didnt jump. oh heres a picture of him covered in ponies:


large pink pegasus was my gift to brittany! who obvs loves ponies... i have one for her for valentines day, shhh.]

yeah... parties are good. peace out kids.

<3 hugs and kisses

Jesika

Classy As Fuck

should i be trying to post when im this tired? we'll find out. it'll probably be mostly pictoral.

i went to lane bryant the other day for the first time in about a year. i dont go in often because i worked there for three years and ive spent way too many hours of my life inside that little mall cubicle. but they have revamped a lot of aspects of their business, they have a new logo, new credit card system and less seperation between the other brands [fashion bug catherines etc] on their website, so things are lot more user friendly. aaaaand i got a new LB credit card so i had lots of money to spend, and i needed bras and panties like mad! most of my bras and panties are from when i worked there and i left in december of 2007, so shit is getting pretty worn. NEW PANTY TIME OMG!!!!

twas the perfect time to go since they had all their valentines day styles out. VDAY PANTIES ARE THE BEST!! when i worked there i always bought the whole line every year. the cotton hipsters are even cuter than they used to be because they have this ruffle trim now.

and they had one of my favorite motifs in the world, chandeliers. i dont like them much IRL but ive loved chandelier prints ever since i got this awesome fuschia and black wrapping paper at old navy years ago. these are definately going to be one of my new favorite pairs.

also got this way cutes apple print! so unexpected. i was wearing my jammies last night when i did these pics, sorry. 3am idea.

i got 5 cotton hipsters and 5 "sexy panties" from the clearance bin. im always on the lookout for a) sexy panties to wear on dates and b) panties to wear under skirts and dresses that lie flat. i found lots of both of those so im a happy kitty, including some awesome microfiber hipsters with lace print, yays.

bra time!! people whove been in my bedroom/bathroom always comment on how many bras i have, as i have this 4-coathook thing hanging over my door that probably has 30ish bras on it. but i swear i hardly wear any of them! i should throw some out. theyre mostly from 3-4 years ago too. lots of useless ill fitting walmart bras. so i got 4 new puppies in my actual size [42DD] at the LB and im super happy! theyre all sexy as heck and their bras have gotten way more comfortable! i feel like they all have a little more coverage and better fit. these were all on sale too, $19.99 each! regularly $34.50 so its a good deal.

ive never been the type to get black, white, or god forbid nude bras [although you have to have at least one nude bra for those white/sheerish shirts... i have a pink lace trimmed one though ;)]. the thing i like about clearance bras is its usually the weird colors left over and those are the ones i like! so i got this sweet orange sherbert colored one. LB has redone their lace too and now its super soft and lies super flat so its not visable under shirts, its awesome. forgive my laziness, i didnt put any of these on i just held them up.

i love a good leopard print. this is probably my 6th leopard bra, at least. i was once told [by "evil jackie," a total cuntypie] that "leopard print can never be classy." duh it totally fucking can! sometime ill show you my sweet leopard and black patent purse with gold details, its the classiest purse i own, CLASSY AS FUCK. this bra may not be too classy but thats how i roll in the bedroom, kay?

a bright purple bra is also needed to match my glasses.

brastache! i look like brian the bartender. this is probably my new everyday bra, its gray and super smooth microfiber, with a black lace trim that adds that little sexiness. its that shape that makes it a perfect tee shirt bra.

im going back to bed. i love you kittens. mr x-face the birth control pack loves you too.

hearts and hugs,
Jesika Gothowitz
[devoted to my secret boyfriend, Howard Wolowitz xoxoxox mini-boo]